Post by Lovux The Great on Jun 6, 2008 16:22:31 GMT -5
It’s over. The End. Finito.
Twelve years of studies came to an end yesterday, and Lovux will tell you how it was.
It was… both sad and happy. Just as I suspected it to be. Sure, it’s nice to get free and get away from everything for a while and feel that you’ve actually accomplished something, but it’s also sad to leave this everything. It has been one o my safest life lines, always knowing that “’Kay, then I gotta go to school after this and that holiday and I need to study for this and that test”, that I had a place to go to, but so is it not any longer.
A lot of photos were taken, a lot of hugs shared, and some priceless one-liners were given to eachother when we wrote inside our graduations hats! I think I got at least ten comments that had something to do with Dr Bombay and his hit Calcutta…
“See you in India, Bombux!”
“Best Bombay ever!”
“Calcutta 4-ever in my heart!”
And so on. XD Lovux herself wrote “They are taking the hobbits to Isengard” in one of her classmates’ hats.
Our aesthetic teachers had their own performance just for us five aesthetic students and got bags with some gifts from them. And damn, during their songs, I WAS UNABLE TO HOLD BACK MY TEARS. I cried a mthfckn RIVER, I tell ya. But I wasn’t alone, fortunately. We where all crying like mad. Then we headed to the entrance where we students were going to burst out and sing our graduation song and wave with our hats in front of our waiting families. And no, I didn’t know the lyrics for the song. Only one or two lines so I had to mimic the rest of the song. I hope my family didn’t notice. XD
Later this day, we had a dinner with a lot of relatives visiting me and giving me presents. Guess what Lovux got?
A LAPTOP.
A MTHFCKN LAPTOP.
I can die happy now. Because now I finally have a computer that will not turn off itself when you least expect it, that you don’t need to go to another account to be able do download pictures by right-clicking on them, and installing a DVD-program without those stupid regions as well as a DVD-burning program which I can’t on this computer I’m using now, and so on. I also got a huge USB-memory and a threadless mouse.
A funny thing about this family meeting was that I had my first meeting with one of my oldest and best friends, who has been in Australia for ten months. Damn, I had missed her so much! And she was so happy for meeting up with me again, too!
Later, she, my sister and I went down to the town, ‘cuz here in my district, it’s a tradition that the graduation students go to the cliffs by the sea (I live in a town by the coast) to party and drink and socialize and having a good time in general. Here, I met up with several of my former classmates as well as the students form the class one year behind us, who we have had a lot of lessons together with. I had a really good time, and no, I didn’t get drunk or anything. One alco pop and that was it. I cheered using a bag of snacks. XD
Then we went in to the big square, now accompanied with my older brothers, where it was quite high life and I met even more former classmates and people I know, and about one in the night, I arrived at home. Fell asleep in the same moment my head made contact with the pillow.
And that was about it.
… No. It wasn’t.
I forgot about the most important part. The part that has to do with someone special. Him.
The day before yesterday, when I took my daily bike ride to gather my thoughts, I thought about confessing to him, and I started to cry and wondered where I would ever the courage to do something as outstanding as confessing to someone you know for sure is loved by someone else and WILL turn you down? It wasn’t without a reason I sang Cascada’s What Hurts the Most the last one or two kilometres on my way home.
So there I was, in school, seeing him and talking to him just like classmates to. I had two moments where I could have walked up to him alone and told him about my feelings… but I was unable to.
Until the last five minutes before were going to run out to our families.
I had arrived to the big hall a few minutes before him, and when I saw him coming walking to us together with some other classmates, I… I… suddenly…
I just did it.
I stomped with my high heels once and walked straight up to him (it was like if my legs moved by themselves!), grabbed him by his shoulders to stop him from walking further along with the rest of the class, looked him STRAIGHT IN THE EYES and… it happened.
“Wait, XXX, wait just a moment… I know that this is sudden and all, but I can’t lie to you; I have had a crush on you ever since November… in second grade. But I chose not to tell you, since I am a coward and that I know it would never work out between us, since you don’t have any feelings for me.”
I said it without stuttering or breaking the eye contact for a micro second. Now that I think back on it, I’m really glad I could to this without being nervous or sounding like the coward I said I am. THIS was really what my confidence and self-esteem needed. Also, I might’ve turned into a wreck and cried if I hadn’t said this face to face, since then I had to look another way and imagine his reaction, which surely would’ve made me more nervousor worse, I’d get caught staring at his crotch.
But he looked… well, it didn’t seemed like he received scars for life. Or upset or scared or angry or taunting or anything. Just… surprised. But positively so. After I had finished that last sentence, he smiled and said:
“Well, yeah, it’s a little hard to like someone else when you’re in a relationship.”
“Yeah…” I replied. I think I discreetly took a deep breath here. But then he said:
“But you can take it easy, because I’m sure that you’ll find someone special, you too. It’s really brave of you to confess something like this, you know. Here’s a glomp for you!”
And then he… hugged me. Strongly. HE MTHFCKN HUGGED ME. I’ve dreamt of hugging him for over a year. So I did the only right thing – hugged him back.
Then we calmly parted and he went to the rest of the class and started chatting with the other guys. Not about what happened, but about just regular stuff. Besides, it thankfully seemed like no one had taken notice of what I just had done. That’s good, because that means this will stay between him and me.
I was frozen for moment where I took my time to realize what I had done. I felt that my hands where steady and thought “Huh? Wasn’t I more nervous than this?” and started to walk to other aesthetic students. AND HOLY SHIT HOW MY LEGS SHAKED!!!!!!! I was STAGGERING my way to the other girls, and there, I had do discreetly lean onto one of them to keep myself upright. And by now, I also realized how fast my heart was beating.
When we where let out to sing the graduation song and meet up with our families, I felt so relieved. Just a few minutes ago, when in that big hall and I saw him appreciating, I just knew that I wouldn’t have been able to run out and sing without telling him. I couldn’t have done it without letting him know. I wanted to leave this school without regret, t o have my heart clean. And I think that was the trigger that finally made me do what had to be done.
Oh, and by the way, this is what I wrote in his hat “Remember me when you hear Dr Bombay!” and he wrote this in my hat: “Lovux, the one and the only!”.
I met him again on the cliffs at the sea. We didn’t talk about my confession or anything (but that could’ve been because we where surrounded by others), but I did see him and talk a little to him. When I decided to call it a day and go to the city, I saw him chatting with another guy from the class, and there, I got another thing I wanted undone.
I walked up to these guys and said “Guys! One last hug before you vanish from my life forever!” and first I hugged the other guy, and then him. I hold him extra tightly and for an extra long time, making sure I would memorize the feelings of his arms around my shoulder and back, and the feeling of his warm suit beneath my fingers. I caressed his back slightly. Then I let go, after a while that seemed so long but yet so short, and kept on walking away, and he shouted after me:
“Good luck with your life,[Lovux’s real name]!”
“Same goes for you!” I shouted back, and turned by back.
A few minutes later, when I met up with this friend who had been living in Australia, I told her about my confession. SHE is the only one (well, except for you here on DSP) who knows about this crush; I told her last year about it, just after I had realized my feelings. She was moved to tears. She said that she was so proud of me, and that I was so much more courageous than she ever was during high school when it came to situations like this. She told me to be proud of myself and that I am so awesome. She really, really meant every single word. Which made me cry too. After all, where like sisters, she and I. So there we were, sobbing in eachothers’ arms and when my big sister caught up with us (she is still unaware), she made a really puzzled face. XD
I’m so glad I’ve cleared things up with this guy. He has been a part of my life for years, but now it was time to say goodbye. I knew about his girlfriend for months and that he would turn me down, but I’m so happy with myself that I did the right thing and told him about what I had felt for him. Otherwise, I would never have been able to move on. But now that I’m done with him, I can look ahead and concentrate on other things. He is out of my life starting… NOW. *snaps fingers, Atobe style*
There. I’m done. Thanks for reading.
Twelve years of studies came to an end yesterday, and Lovux will tell you how it was.
It was… both sad and happy. Just as I suspected it to be. Sure, it’s nice to get free and get away from everything for a while and feel that you’ve actually accomplished something, but it’s also sad to leave this everything. It has been one o my safest life lines, always knowing that “’Kay, then I gotta go to school after this and that holiday and I need to study for this and that test”, that I had a place to go to, but so is it not any longer.
A lot of photos were taken, a lot of hugs shared, and some priceless one-liners were given to eachother when we wrote inside our graduations hats! I think I got at least ten comments that had something to do with Dr Bombay and his hit Calcutta…
“See you in India, Bombux!”
“Best Bombay ever!”
“Calcutta 4-ever in my heart!”
And so on. XD Lovux herself wrote “They are taking the hobbits to Isengard” in one of her classmates’ hats.
Our aesthetic teachers had their own performance just for us five aesthetic students and got bags with some gifts from them. And damn, during their songs, I WAS UNABLE TO HOLD BACK MY TEARS. I cried a mthfckn RIVER, I tell ya. But I wasn’t alone, fortunately. We where all crying like mad. Then we headed to the entrance where we students were going to burst out and sing our graduation song and wave with our hats in front of our waiting families. And no, I didn’t know the lyrics for the song. Only one or two lines so I had to mimic the rest of the song. I hope my family didn’t notice. XD
Later this day, we had a dinner with a lot of relatives visiting me and giving me presents. Guess what Lovux got?
A LAPTOP.
A MTHFCKN LAPTOP.
I can die happy now. Because now I finally have a computer that will not turn off itself when you least expect it, that you don’t need to go to another account to be able do download pictures by right-clicking on them, and installing a DVD-program without those stupid regions as well as a DVD-burning program which I can’t on this computer I’m using now, and so on. I also got a huge USB-memory and a threadless mouse.
A funny thing about this family meeting was that I had my first meeting with one of my oldest and best friends, who has been in Australia for ten months. Damn, I had missed her so much! And she was so happy for meeting up with me again, too!
Later, she, my sister and I went down to the town, ‘cuz here in my district, it’s a tradition that the graduation students go to the cliffs by the sea (I live in a town by the coast) to party and drink and socialize and having a good time in general. Here, I met up with several of my former classmates as well as the students form the class one year behind us, who we have had a lot of lessons together with. I had a really good time, and no, I didn’t get drunk or anything. One alco pop and that was it. I cheered using a bag of snacks. XD
Then we went in to the big square, now accompanied with my older brothers, where it was quite high life and I met even more former classmates and people I know, and about one in the night, I arrived at home. Fell asleep in the same moment my head made contact with the pillow.
And that was about it.
… No. It wasn’t.
I forgot about the most important part. The part that has to do with someone special. Him.
The day before yesterday, when I took my daily bike ride to gather my thoughts, I thought about confessing to him, and I started to cry and wondered where I would ever the courage to do something as outstanding as confessing to someone you know for sure is loved by someone else and WILL turn you down? It wasn’t without a reason I sang Cascada’s What Hurts the Most the last one or two kilometres on my way home.
So there I was, in school, seeing him and talking to him just like classmates to. I had two moments where I could have walked up to him alone and told him about my feelings… but I was unable to.
Until the last five minutes before were going to run out to our families.
I had arrived to the big hall a few minutes before him, and when I saw him coming walking to us together with some other classmates, I… I… suddenly…
I just did it.
I stomped with my high heels once and walked straight up to him (it was like if my legs moved by themselves!), grabbed him by his shoulders to stop him from walking further along with the rest of the class, looked him STRAIGHT IN THE EYES and… it happened.
“Wait, XXX, wait just a moment… I know that this is sudden and all, but I can’t lie to you; I have had a crush on you ever since November… in second grade. But I chose not to tell you, since I am a coward and that I know it would never work out between us, since you don’t have any feelings for me.”
I said it without stuttering or breaking the eye contact for a micro second. Now that I think back on it, I’m really glad I could to this without being nervous or sounding like the coward I said I am. THIS was really what my confidence and self-esteem needed. Also, I might’ve turned into a wreck and cried if I hadn’t said this face to face, since then I had to look another way and imagine his reaction, which surely would’ve made me more nervous
But he looked… well, it didn’t seemed like he received scars for life. Or upset or scared or angry or taunting or anything. Just… surprised. But positively so. After I had finished that last sentence, he smiled and said:
“Well, yeah, it’s a little hard to like someone else when you’re in a relationship.”
“Yeah…” I replied. I think I discreetly took a deep breath here. But then he said:
“But you can take it easy, because I’m sure that you’ll find someone special, you too. It’s really brave of you to confess something like this, you know. Here’s a glomp for you!”
And then he… hugged me. Strongly. HE MTHFCKN HUGGED ME. I’ve dreamt of hugging him for over a year. So I did the only right thing – hugged him back.
Then we calmly parted and he went to the rest of the class and started chatting with the other guys. Not about what happened, but about just regular stuff. Besides, it thankfully seemed like no one had taken notice of what I just had done. That’s good, because that means this will stay between him and me.
I was frozen for moment where I took my time to realize what I had done. I felt that my hands where steady and thought “Huh? Wasn’t I more nervous than this?” and started to walk to other aesthetic students. AND HOLY SHIT HOW MY LEGS SHAKED!!!!!!! I was STAGGERING my way to the other girls, and there, I had do discreetly lean onto one of them to keep myself upright. And by now, I also realized how fast my heart was beating.
When we where let out to sing the graduation song and meet up with our families, I felt so relieved. Just a few minutes ago, when in that big hall and I saw him appreciating, I just knew that I wouldn’t have been able to run out and sing without telling him. I couldn’t have done it without letting him know. I wanted to leave this school without regret, t o have my heart clean. And I think that was the trigger that finally made me do what had to be done.
Oh, and by the way, this is what I wrote in his hat “Remember me when you hear Dr Bombay!” and he wrote this in my hat: “Lovux, the one and the only!”.
I met him again on the cliffs at the sea. We didn’t talk about my confession or anything (but that could’ve been because we where surrounded by others), but I did see him and talk a little to him. When I decided to call it a day and go to the city, I saw him chatting with another guy from the class, and there, I got another thing I wanted undone.
I walked up to these guys and said “Guys! One last hug before you vanish from my life forever!” and first I hugged the other guy, and then him. I hold him extra tightly and for an extra long time, making sure I would memorize the feelings of his arms around my shoulder and back, and the feeling of his warm suit beneath my fingers. I caressed his back slightly. Then I let go, after a while that seemed so long but yet so short, and kept on walking away, and he shouted after me:
“Good luck with your life,[Lovux’s real name]!”
“Same goes for you!” I shouted back, and turned by back.
A few minutes later, when I met up with this friend who had been living in Australia, I told her about my confession. SHE is the only one (well, except for you here on DSP) who knows about this crush; I told her last year about it, just after I had realized my feelings. She was moved to tears. She said that she was so proud of me, and that I was so much more courageous than she ever was during high school when it came to situations like this. She told me to be proud of myself and that I am so awesome. She really, really meant every single word. Which made me cry too. After all, where like sisters, she and I. So there we were, sobbing in eachothers’ arms and when my big sister caught up with us (she is still unaware), she made a really puzzled face. XD
I’m so glad I’ve cleared things up with this guy. He has been a part of my life for years, but now it was time to say goodbye. I knew about his girlfriend for months and that he would turn me down, but I’m so happy with myself that I did the right thing and told him about what I had felt for him. Otherwise, I would never have been able to move on. But now that I’m done with him, I can look ahead and concentrate on other things. He is out of my life starting… NOW. *snaps fingers, Atobe style*
There. I’m done. Thanks for reading.
If I had been REALLY courageous, then I had walked up to him the first thing I did when I realized my feelings and maybe, maybe been able to date him, instead of waiting to the last minute when he's already in a steady relationship. The confession was also something I had planned on for, well, AT LEAST one year. Perhaps that and the fact that I KNEW what the outcome would be (i e that he wouldn't feel the same for me) was what made me take that last, final step and tell him. 
Coockies?
(i e Lovux has never heard of those persons and don't know what you're talking about)
THAT ONE. 
